Editors Note: Hey, it’s been about 5 years since I published anything on this site. That’s mostly because someecards.com lifted/took the whole concept of what I had been doing with this site and watered it down for the masses. You may think otherwise, but this site was around before they ever popped up. I had already been featured in Maxim Magazine (and a few others) when it came to my attention that my then web publishing partner, Tucker Max, promoted someecards.com on his popular blog.
Thanks, Tucker! You really are as big of a douche as you portray yourself in your books!
That was the first time I had heard of them, so I did a whois lookup and saw they had registered their domain 10 days before my book came out. Hey, someecards.com…fuck you, too.
So, that was the beginning of the end…right when I was just getting started.
Then, in 2009 I started working for the legendary record producer Kim Fowley. That was the final nail in the coffin for Coloring Book Land. After that experience (described below in an unpublished post from 2010), I decided to take a LONG break from Coloring Book Land. I’m still on break, but I made a promise to myself 5 years ago to publish this on the day he died.
So, here it is. My interview with myself after I quit working for Kim Fowley in 2010:
You: Welcome back, Jim.
Me: Hey, what’s up? Long time no see.
You: This is very true. What has it been now? 4 months? 6 months?
Me: Fuck, I can’t remember. It’s been at least that long since I’ve done anything on this site. I guess I could look at the last post to find out how long it’s been…………..HOLY SHIT! FEBRUARY 2ND? That’s a long time!
You: No shit, man! That’s pretty weak, dude.
Me: I know, I know. This year has been a fucking nightmare….hence the reason I haven’t been posting anything on the site.
You: I hear you. Would you like to talk about it?
Me: I don’t know. I mean, I guess I do since I’m posting this to the site, right? There’s so much to talk about. Where do I begin?
You: Why not start at the beginning? That always seems like a logical place to start!
Me: Smart ass.
You: Sorry, you kind of left yourself open there. I apologize, go on.
Me: Ok. I guess it all stems from when I started working for Kim Fowley.
You: WHAT? You work with Kim Fowley? Wow! That’s awesome, man! What is he like? Is it cool working for him?
Me: I don’t work for him anymore. I quit back in May of this year.
Me: Because he’s an abusive, delusional fuck head, that’s why.
You: Do tell!
Me: I’m trying to but you keep interrupting me.
You: Sorry. It’s just that I’m excited to hear about it. I’ll shut up so you can continue. Go on.
Me: Ok. Well, the back story is that a mutual friend introduced me to him so I could get a job working for him. That was back in Novemeber of 2009, if memory serves correct. Anyway, I started working for him as an office assistant. I basically was helping him check emails and manage all of his myspace/youtube accounts.
You: He has more than one account?
Me: Yes. He’s of the thinking that by having a bunch of different accounts that it will drive more traffic to him so he can get more fans, and more work.
You: Sounds like something a spammer would do.
Me: That’s how I felt about it. I brought it up to him but obviously he didn’t agree because he thinks that he knows everything there is to know about marketing because of all of the success he’s had over the years.
You: But wasn’t the last relevant thing he did was create The Runaways? That was in the 70’s, like…..35 years ago?
Me: Don’t get me started.
You: But that’s why we are here talking, so you can get started and tell us your story.
Me: Well, I have to give him credit where credit is due. He has done some pretty cool stuff over the years. But you are right, he hasn’t done anything worth mentioning since the 70’s.
Me: You started it, man. I wasn’t going to go into my feelings about his career, but now that you’ve brought it up I guess I have to.
You: Nobody is forcing you to talk about it. It’s up to you to decide what you want to talk about.
Me: Let’s just get back to the story, ok?
Me: After a few weeks of working for him he wanted to film a commercial about a new double album release he had coming out, and we started working on it but he got distracted when he heard that Simon Cowell was stepping down from American Idol.
You: How did that distract him? Was he a fan of the show and it upset him?
Me: No, he got it in his head that he should campaign to try and get himself on the show to replace Simon.
You: Wow! Now THAT would have been something to see! I take it they didn’t go for it, since I haven’t seen him on the show.
Me: Exactly. Anyway, we spent a lot of time filming various segments to cut this reel of him expounding the virtues of his success and why he was the right man for the job. We did wind up finishing it, but I guess nobody was interested.
You: That’s too bad. I would have loved to see him on the show.
Me: Yeah, I guess it would have been interesting to watch. But it didn’t happen, so who cares? Back to the story…..during the time we were filming and editing this reel he decided he wanted to make an all girl group movie.
You: Yeah? What was that about?
Me: As you may know, they made a movie about The Runaways that came out this past spring. Maybe you saw the trailer or something.
You: I did see the trailer, but I didn’t bother to watch the movie. Was it any good?
Me: Eh, it has it’s moments. The soundtrack is pretty cool. But for the most part, it was about as interesting as one of those VH1 movies. You know, like the ones they made about The Monkees or Def Leopard. The only interesting thing was sitting with Kim watching his reaction to Michael Shannon’s performance of him. He seemed happy, although he didn’t really like the movie overall.
You: Ah, so it was just average.
Me: Yup. So, we started filming this movie called Black Room Doom. But honestly, I can say it really isn’t a movie. It’s more of a random collection of awkward moments inter-cut with more awkward moments, with some music thrown in.
You: I don’t follow. What do you mean by awkward moments?
Me: Well, for starters he NEVER had anything in mind when it came to filming. And if he did, he sure didn’t let anyone know in advance. Basically, he just gathered up a bunch of young, impressionable girls to be in it. He would get a wild hair up his ass to shoot some goofy segment, then we would go film it. I guess you could say his style is ‘avant-garde’.
You: But the definition of avant-garde is to refer to people or works that are experimental or innovative, particularly with respect to art, culture, and politics. So are you saying that his style is innovative?
Me: No, but it definitely is experimental. For example, I filmed him standing in his bathroom with a ski mask on while holding a shit encrusted cat turd pooper scooper while he riffed off the top of his head some mumbo jumbo about the band Black Room Doom.
You: Oh, so the name of the movie is in reference to the name of the band.
Me: Yeah. But I wouldn’t call what we filmed a movie. It’s more like stuff that should have been left on the cutting room floor.
You: Wow, you must really not like him!
Me: You are right, I don’t. I worked my ass off for him, trying to film and edit this project to his liking. But it never was good enough, and I had to spend all of my time while working on it listening to him bitch and complain about money and how I was fucking him over.
You: Huh? How were you fucking him over?
Me: Well, he made it all about my laptop.
Me: I have a 600 dollar laptop that I was editing on. It was more than enough to get the job done, but the main problem was how many times he would change his mind about particular shots, effects that had been added, getting in fights with gals that were already in the edit and having me remove them from the entire thing….only to have me put the footage back in.
You: That sounds pretty retarded.
Me: It was! So I had explained to him OVER AND OVER on an almost daily basis that when you change something in the timeline of the editing program it messes up the render so you have to re-render it again. And again. And again. And that’s where he thought I was hustling him for money. He thought I was making it up so I could get more hours out f him, which was the farthest thing from the truth. In reality, the LESS time I had to spend with him the better. So that went on for about 6 months until I finally couldn’t take it anymore.
You: Sounds like a nightmare.
Me: Oh, it was. From the moment I started my day with him until I left it was a constant barrage of complaining, drama, email battles with record companies…and the rest of the time, bitching at me about my ‘600 dollar laptop hustle’. The guy doesn’t even have his own computer. All of his former employees had their own, and many times while I worked for him he would get into a battle with one of them and demand all of his materials back from them off their computers or he would sue them for elder abuse.
You: What??? Really?
Me: Yeah. Anyway, the stress was taking its toll on my body and one day in April I woke up and my entire left arm was seized up, like a wicked charlie horse. It lasted for over a month, and during that time I didn’t work for him. I was in so much pain I literally was sobbing like a baby for weeks. Well, me not being available to work on his masterpiece film didn’t sit well with him so he bugged me everyday with multiple phone calls that would last for hours. Finally, he said:
“I want my movie back so I can find another editor to finish it. Return my hard drive by May 15th.”
I agreed, but I did point out to him that the hard drive was mine because I had paid for it with my own money. I suggested he purchase the same model for me and we would swap them when I saw him. Well, about a week before the 15th my arm was feeling well enough that I could stand working with him for about 4 hours a day, but that required a lot of pain medicine to endure it and dull my senses. As soon as I got back to working at his place the abuse started right back up. A good portion of his rants were aimed at my fiancée, whom he obviously didn’t like because she didn’t buy into his bullshit, and he knew it. He doesn’t like people he can’t control, that’s for sure.
Anyway, back to the story. I gave him my notice and told him I would finish his movie, which, at the time was finished and only needed some minor adjustments like end credits, some audio level adjustments. Nothing major. So I stayed home for a week and worked on cleaning up the timeline and getting it all ready for his new editor to take possession of. During that week he kept bugging me, stopping by my house unannounced to leave his business cards on my door. Random goofy shit. Well, it was at that time he got another friend of ours involved to act as a mediator of some type, to smooth over the process of handing over all the materials and getting a replacement hard drive back from him. That part went fine. She came over and gave me the new hard drive and I handed over all of the stuff to her. Later on that night I get a text from another girl he had working for him saying the file is corrupt and it won’t open. It turned out that the editor had an earlier version of Premiere. I cut the ‘movie’ in Premiere Pro CS4, and his new guy had version CS3. I wrote back and explained that in order for the file to work correctly they would have to get the right version. Well, after weeks of emails from Kim threatening me with a lawsuit I figured out that his editor probably opened the file, saved it…and in the process altered the file I had provided him. Needless to say I was annoyed by the whole thing. Since then I’ve haven’t heard much from him. He did have one of his now ex-employees send me what essentially are song lyrics about me, or what he thinks he knows about me.
You: Really? That’s awesome! Do you still have them? You should put music to them!
Me: Yeah, I thought about doing that but then I decided it wasn’t worth the effort. I will say this, not only did his ex-employee send lyrics to me but he also sent lyrics to my fiancée too. I don’t have hers available, but I can share mine, if you like.
You: By all means, please do!
Me: Ok, here you go:
Hello Jimmy Lee Wirt,
From the home town
Of The St. Louis Browns
Looking high & low
In the afterglow
In the job you quit
For cigarettes/cheese & macaroni
Maybe some baloney
From a passing stranger
Or a suspicious friend
How about your rent?
Have all your pennies been spent?
At age 44
All the boxes crowd the floor
Open up the screen door
& see the Hollywood
You will never rule
Because your skills
Do not count
Because the FEMALE MEAT MOUNTAIN
That you mount
Has lead you astray
To live another/hungry wounded day
What you can’t destroy!
You: Wow, wow, wow! Female meat mountain? What the fuck?
Me: Yeah, he was making reference to my fiancée. He was just trying to hurt me and her in the process.
You: Did it work?
Me: Ha ha ha! Fuck no! It made me laugh, actually. I guess the thing I find the most puzzling and pathetic about the whole ordeal is that he still has some beef with me after all of this. It’s a joke.
You: But I can see where he would be upset that his movie didn’t get finished.
Me: Well, apparently it did get done. Of course, he must have had a falling out with one of the main performers because she’s now been cut from the trailer, and new footage was added. But the rest of the stuff I’m seeing in the trailer is pretty much what I shot and edited before I quit.
You: Really? So what was all his venom and anger about if the footage is still the same? What about the Premiere versions conflict?
Me: Honestly I don’t know. The only thing I can think is that maybe some transitions or color correction didn’t transfer over. I really don’t know. But, I’m sure that everything we shot was on the hard drive that I gave back to him, so your guess is as good as mine. He still thinks to this day that I’m his enemy.
You: And? Are you?
Me: Well if I’m not any more I’m sure I will rise to the top of his hate list if he sees this post.
You: Aren’t you afraid that you might be stirring the pot by posting it?
Me: No. The reason that I’m not afraid is that I have nothing to hide or be sorry for. I did my job the best that I could, under the conditions that I was put in. If he had started with an actual shooting script and a plan it wouldn’t have turned into the nightmare that it did. I pity the guy that took over after I left. (Editor’s Note: Obviously I changed my mind and didn’t publish this article. Kim continued to threaten to sue me, and was spreading rumors that I was a terrorist making pipe bombs in my apartment…so I thought it was best to wait to publish this at a later date.)
You: So, where can we see the trailer for this movie?
Me: Oh, you actually want to see the trailer? After everything I talked about? Do you really want to waste your time?
You: Well, shit….at this point I HAVE to see it!
Me: Fine. Here you go:
You: Man, you were right. That sucked.
Me: Tell me about it. Imagine having to look at that crap for 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. Awful.
You: So what is the point of the movie?
Me: Seriously? Weren’t you listening to me? There isn’t a point! If there was I would be the first to tell you. If there was any point it probably was just a reason for him to have something to do, a reason to bitch about all the money he was spending on it.
You: Well that’s just stupid.
Me: Oh, you are preaching to the choir. I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of the sheer nightmare of what it’s like to work for Kim Fowley. Maybe I’ll do a follow up sometime in the future.
You: That would be rad!
Me: Yeah….maybe in the future.
You: So, are you suggesting that the reason you haven’t been posting to your site is all related to Mr. Fowley?
Me: No, he’s just one of the many reasons I haven’t been inspired to post anything.
You: Wow! You sure do know some stupid assholes! Maybe you need a new set of friends.
Me: Will you be my friend?
You: Um, I’ll get back to you on that……eh, sure…why not?
Me: Gee, thanks.
You: No problem.
Me: Anyway, I guess the reason I’m telling you all this is to let you know why I’ve been missing in action.
You: That’s great to hear!
Me: Thanks. Anyway, I guess that’s all I want to divulge at this time. You cool with that?
You: Sure! I’m just glad you are back!
Me: Me too, man. Me too.